How would you talk to someone you really wanted to impress? Hmm. I thought so. Me, too.
But have you noticed that some people treat their nearest and dearest in the totally opposite way? Demanding. Yelling. Judgmental. When you think about, it’s pretty obvious. That’s not the way to build a strong and lasting relationship. Not many emotionally healthy people will stick around to be treated that way.
So we know “Don’t do that!”
But what do you do?
Remember to use your “Power”.
P = Polite. Think about the way you talk to your loved one. Is it kind, descriptive, pleasant voiced? Why not treat your loved one the polite way you would treat a total stranger?
O = Open-minded. There are many ways to reach a positive outcome. Listen closely to what the other is saying. Is there a way to include both person’s ideas? Or – Shocking! – perhaps their idea would be better. It’s not a contest. As the saying goes, “Once you start keeping score, everyone loses.”
W = Warm. Have you ever met someone that just makes you feel good about yourself? That likes you just the way you are? Isn’t that a Great feeling? We often describe that person as “warm and friendly”.
Here’s the really good news. We can extend that same kind of warmth to our nearest and dearest. It’s easy! Look for what you like about them. And take time to tell them. Especially when problem-solving, treat them warmly. We enjoy problem-solving a whole lot more when we feel that the other person likes us.
E = Empathetic. Put yourself in their shoes. What are they dealing with at work? What worries do they have? Are they hungry or tired or sick? And think about the way you are talking to them. How would you feel if someone said that to you? And said it in your tone/volume of voice?
R = Rhythmic. Years ago, when horse drawn wagons were our main mode of transport, it was crucial that the horses pulled together in harness. If one horse wants to go left, and the other wants to go right, well, nothing’s happening except anger and frustration. Some problems we face are like a heavy load in that wagon. We need to be in rhythm with each other to solve it.
Or to use a more current example, it’s just like dancing. When two partners dance so beautifully, it’s because they are working together to achieve the same result. One’s not trying to do a tango while the other is trying to waltz!
The best way to be rhythmic? Pay attention to your thoughts. My husband had one of the best mottos: “Together, we can solve anything.” If you chose to think that when dealing with problems, good things happen.
First, you avoid the “blame game” and the “I told you so”s that never lead to a good outcome.
Instead, you work together. You support and encourage each other and your ideas – Dancing together as you pull that heavy load to the goal line.
Pretty simple, isn’t it?
Okay, you’re right. It is simple, but it’s Not always easy. It does take awareness and effort – some days more than others. Especially when we are tired, overwhelmed or stressing.
But you Can do it.
Use your POWER, and build fun, loving and lasting relationships.
Or not. Your choice. 🙂